Can We Get A Pet?
by DracoAter
Summary: Just a normal week at the Schwarz house, and considerations of what kind of animal can surive in there. Yeah, right...
1. Default Chapter

Draco Ater here with a disclaimer. I do not own. And I must say, this is surprisingly coherent for something I started mid day, in the middle of other stories, and then decided to work on at two in the morning. What, don't believe me? Then read the story!

Can We Get A Pet?

"I want a cat."

Farfarello made this exclamation from his usual chair, lying upside down in it as always. Nagi sat at one end of the couch with a book on his lap, while Schuldig lounged across the rest of it with the TV remote dangling loosely from his hand. They both looked at Farf in disbelief for a moment. Then Schu broke out into a grin. Maybe the team could use a pet.

"Nah, Farf. You can't teach a cat to attack people. Let's get a Doberman Pincher."

"Cat."

"Doberman!"

"Cat!"

"Doberman!"

Nagi sighed and broke into the argument before Schu could push Farf to hurting him. "Why don't you just get something easy to take care of, like a fish."

"Great idea, Nagi-kins! Then we can have our fish fight your fish, and make bets on which one'll win!"

Scowling at Schu, Nagi said, "That's illegal. And don't call me that."

"Who'll know?"

"The pet store when I go back to buy another fish saying my roommates put their fish in with mine and started laying money down on Butcher the Betta."

"I still want a cat."

"Shut up, Farf. I already told you, you can't train a cat!"

Farf stuck his tongue out at Schuldig. "Cat's are quiet, clean, and can take care of themselves. Dogs are large, loud, dirty, and annoying."

"But dogs are smart. They can learn voice commands, hand signals, and such. What can cats do?"

"Anything a dog can, but they just don't want to."

"Right. They're stupid."

"No! Dogs are stupid! Cats are just independent."

Schu snorted derisively.

Nagi broke in again. "A dog would be too large for the apartment."

"We could get a small breed then. How does a Pomeranian sound?"

"Loud, annoying, and hyperactive. Besides, it wouldn't last two days with Farf."

The madman grinned at Schuldig to confirm this. "Yeah. Loud annoying little dogs will become dinner. Remember the neighbors' poodle?"

They both stared at him. "But, you didn't eat it. You just mutilated it," Schuldig pointed out.

Farf shrugged, which actually looked kind of funny while he was upside down. "I've done it before."

"Okaaay..." Nagi looked slightly disturbed. "I don't think any pet you two would want would last more than two days in your care."

"I see you have total confidence in our abilities," Schu noted dryly. "I still say we get a dog, and put it through a rigorous police attack dog type training."

"Cats can be just as deadly as any dog. I've heard of cats beating up dogs, or killing them, before," said Farf. "And they weren't small dogs."

"I highly doubt that Crawford would let you keep a dog or a cat," Nagi pointed out.

"Then how about a bird?" asked Schu.

"Dinner." Farf grinned and ran his tongue along his lower lip.

"Rabbit?"

"Dinner."

"Snake?"

"Dinner."

Nagi made a face and Schu just continued. "Tarantula?"

"We could use it to scare Nagi."

Nagi glared at Farf for that comment. Then at Schu for suggesting it.

"Or we could put it on Crawford's pillow," Farf continued, ignoring Nagi.

"That might not go over that well," decided Schu, picturing Crawford throwing a fit and punishing them for a giant hairy arachnid in his bed. "Then how about a rodent of some type?"

"I'm sure a rat is just perfect for you, Schuldig," Nagi said patronizingly.

"Not quite what I was thinking, but yeah. Rat's fine. What about mice? Or gerbils? I heard gerbils are nice. Ooh! I know! A ferret!"

"Ferrets are part of the weasel family, Schu, not rodents," Nagi pointed out.

"Like that matters. What do you think Farf? Ferret?"

"Gerbils sound like fun."

"Hey, Nagi. Ferret or gerbils?"

"Neither. We really can't get pets."

"Then why is there a fish in your room?"

"Because I have permission to have a fish, because I can take care of it with some level of competence. Besides, fish have a calming effect."

"You do mean boring, right?"

"No, calming."

"Very calming," Farf spoke up again. "I fell asleep watching it the other day."

"Why were you in my room again?"

"I was bored. And watching the fish made me not bored. It made me asleep."

The other two blinked. "That sounds so intelligent, Farf," Schu muttered. "Really, you're usually more with it. Did you take your meds this-"

"Yes. Yes I did. Ask Crawford. He watched me. Damn him..." He scowled slightly.

"Okay. So, a ferret, or a gerbil," Schu decided. "Though I still actually kinda like the bird idea. Or a rat. That was a good suggestion, Nagi-kins."

Nagi rolled his eyes. He was about to take his book and go hide in his room, and make sure Farf hadn't attempted to kill his fish yet, when Crawford's office door opened.

"Hey, Crawford!" called Schu. "We were just having a discussion on what kind of pet to get us. Any thoughts?"

Crawford stared at him like he'd lost it, then turned quickly back into his office and deposited the folder he'd been holding onto his desk to keep from laughing in their faces. He composed himself, and went back out. "No pets, Schuldig. You don't want Farf making dinner out of it like he did last time, do you? You really should know better than to ask."

"Yeah, Schuldig. That was a stupid question," muttered Nagi as he left.

Crawford let him leave and turned his attention to the other two. "No pets. Of any kind. If it's alive, I don't want it in this apartment."

"What about Farf and Nagi?" Farf growled at Schu but was too comfortable to roll off the chair to bite him.

Crawford ignored the comment. "The most you are going to get for a pet is a rock." With that, he left the room.

Schu and Farf watched him leave, looked at each other and started snickering. "Pet rocks. Yeah right... So, Farf, what do you think?"

"I think we should consider the gerbils, the ferret, and the bird." He finally rolled off the chair, landing in a crouch then standing and striding over to the door.

"Where are you going?" Schu asked with interest.

"To get myself a rock."

Schuldig snorted, the started laughing. A minute later, when he finally calmed down, he said, "I'll come with you. We need something to liven the place up."

-

Yeah, that was surprisingly coherent for 2:30 in the morning. I'm keeping myself up with typing and 80s music. Had-a-bad-day-can't-sleep-stuff-type-deal here. Anyway. One Shot, unless anyone would like to know what would happen if they actually got a pet. And if so, what should it be? Should Weiss have the pet discussion?


	2. Hey, aren't they cute?

Can We Get A Pet?

Chapter Two

Schuldig wandered down the street several paces behind Farf, not keeping an eye on him. They'd already found a couple rocks, and if anything, they could chuck them at Crawford's head later. But at the moment, Schu was more interested in looking through shop windows. He stopped suddenly, when he found himself outside a pet store. Ooh. Might as well see what they have there. He stepped into the shop and began to browse.

First thing he looked at was the gerbils. They seemed very energetic. And he bet that they would make a lot of noise at night. Plus, the cute one he was looking at had just finished filling the water dish with shavings and turned it up-side-down and was now shoving against the side of the tank over and over. What an odd little creature.

He took one look at the fish and yawned. No way. Besides, he didn't want to lug a tank, food, fish, water treatment, filtration system, gravel, and fake plants home. He turned back to the rodents.

The mice were too small, he decided. But a couple of the rats looked cool. One was hooded, the other was black. That was a bit more like it. The two of them seemed very inquisitive, and showed a good amount of interest in the person watching them.

Then he was distracted by chirping. A room at the back of the shop held birds. So many birds. And they were loud. Canaries, parakeets, cockatiels, doves, and several more varieties he couldn't recognize. Plus a large blue macaw in the corner. Nope. The little birds would get annoying, and the macaw was just too expensive.

He went back out, and paused in front of the reptiles. Hmm. A snake. Cool. It was pretty small, didn't cost much, would freak Nagi out, and fascinate Farf simply because it needed live food. But he still wasn't sure.

Schu found himself watching the rats again. He smiled. Yeah, he liked the rats. He'd have to thank Nagi for that suggestion. He went up to the counter, and asked for a cage, food, shavings and the two rats he'd been watching. He then headed back toward the apartment.

* * *

Farfarello looked back and realized that Schu was no longer behind him. This could be a good thing, or a bad thing. He decided it was good. For himself, at least. A rock was really boring, he decided, so it needed to be fixed up a bit. He stepped into a nearby craft store, browsing the aisles, and discretely slipping some paints and brushes into the pockets of his trench coat. Not even the cameras picked it up, and he walked back out again, giving the cashier a little wave. No one would notice anything missing. At least for a while. Proud of himself for wandering into a place alone and not killing anyone, he continued on his way back to the apartment. 

He was halfway there when a sign caught his attention. "Rabbits for Sale." Hmm. Schu had mentioned a rabbit. Was it one they had decided on? He didn't think so, but he went up to the door of the place anyway. It was a good-sized studio apartment, and the owners had a pair of dwarf rabbits. They hadn't realized it was a male and female until too late, and now had a large litter of bunnies. As the parents were different breads, some had spots and some were Dutch bunnies. He picked up one that had dark black circles around its eyes and dark ears. It cuddled up against his shoulder and sniffed his neck, and he decided it was actually kinda cute. He pulled out some money, and carried the little rabbit out with him and started on his way to the apartment again.

* * *

Farf got back to the apartment first. He was surprised Crawford wasn't waiting for him to yell at him to bring the rabbit back. He slipped down the hall and into his room, closing the door and setting the rabbit down on the floor. As the rabbit hopped around and explored the sparsely furnished room, Farf hung his coat in the closet, dropped his cap on the bed, and pulled out his stolen paint, brushes, and the rock. 

He was almost done painting it when he heard the front door open again. Scooping the rabbit up and kicking the cord of his clock away, which the rabbit was sniffing, he looked out of his room to see Schuldig sneaking down the hall.

"Oh, hey, Farf," Schu whispered. "Don't let Brad know, but I got something."

"Ooh. Whatcha get?"

"A pair of rats."

"Cool. I found a rabbit." Farf held the little fluff ball out the door for a second for Schu to see.

"Hey, it's pretty cute. I like the rings around the eyes. Looks like eyeliner."

"Need to get food for it."

"We can go back to the pet store tomorrow and get food, a cage, and a book on rabbits."

"I also painted my rock."

"Oh, yeah. I forgot. I still have mine in my pocket." He made his way to his room. "Well, I'm gonna set these guys up. Oh, and if you're gonna keep the rabbit in your room, you might want to put some papers down until we can get it a cat box. I've heard you can train them."

Farf nodded. "Okay." He put the rabbit down, and went out to the kitchen. He grabbed a newspaper from the recycle bin and grabbed some lettuce and an apple.

While Farf was busy with that, Schu went into his room, and pulled a box containing a wire cage out of the bag he'd carried in. He put it together with little trouble and no instructions, poured in some shavings, and put in the food dish and water bottle. But he kept the rats out, playing with them. One of them, the hooded one, liked to sit on his shoulders and kept running behind his neck under his hair. It tickled. The black one liked crawling up his sleeves. At one point, Schu let it go all the way up, and it poked its head out the top of his jacket, its whiskers tickling under his chin.

A minute later, Farf poked his head in. "Ooh. I like them." He came in, closing the door behind himself, and sat on the floor, putting the rabbit in his lap. "Name them yet?"

"Nope. What about the bunny?"

"Alice."

"Like Alice in Wonderland?"

"Or Alice Cooper. Depends on its gender."

"A perfect name considering it looks like it's wearing make up."

They watched their three new pets wander around the floor. The black rat kept stealing little bites of the apple slices in front of Farf. "I think you should name this one Fingers. He's a thief."

"Okay, but what about the hooded one?" Schu held up the rat that had decided to take up residence on his shoulder.

Farf shrugged. "Your turn to name one."

Schuldig watched the rat for a second. "I feel like being cruel. I'll name a rat Maus." He let Maus run up his arm and behind his neck to sit on his opposite shoulder, and handed the rat a small piece of apple.

* * *

The next day, Schu and Farf went back to the pet store to get rabbit supplies. After getting a small crate for Alice to sleep in, a couple dishes and food, they started walking back to the apartment. As they turned a corner to take the long way home, Schu noticed a sign in a window. 

"I wonder what a borzoi is?"

And they went in.

* * *

A note to my dear friends the readers. Thank you for reading! I'm happy that I actually got three reviews on the first chapter, and was given the encouragement to continue! I have decided to drag it out a bit. I mean, these guys might be hot, they might be assassins, they might be the baddest bishonen in Japan, but let's face it. They don't know a thing about animals. 

I had to post this a little later than I had hoped, as it's been a little hectic the last few days. I'm an aunt again, as my brother and his wife just had their second girl, and AOL hates me. Thus, I hate AOL. But my brother pays for it, not me, so I deal.

And thank you to my reviewers!

**Narijima** – I'm glad you liked it so much! Yes, a pet rock is all they really can handle, but where's the fun it that?

Might be a good idea to move the gerbils. When I had mine, I kept him in the dining room, as we use that table for storage and not eating. (can we say extra shelf?)

**Wherdatcomfrom** – Intelligence? What's that? Yeah, these animals definitely will be smarter than their owners. And the pet rocks shall not be forgotten!

**phwee? yami hobo** – Kitten, little dog, large dog, lizard... We'll just have to see how many they get!


	3. A borzoi!

Can We Get A Pet?

Chapter 3

Schuldig opened the door to the apartment, glancing around physically and mentally. Nagi was in his room, and there was no sign of Crawford. With a grin, he slipped in and waved over his shoulder for Farf to follow. Together, they snuck into the apartment. As soon as they started down the hallway, Nagi stepped from his room to block them. "Where have you two been? This is the last time I play messenger boy between you and Crawford. He- What is that...?" His eyes settled on the bags Schu was carrying, and the squirming furry thing Farf was holding.

"We got a borzoi," Schu told him.

Nagi's eyes widened. He turned and began to bang his head against the wall.

"What are you doing?" asked Farf curiously.

"A: giving myself a concussion. B: knocking myself unconscious. Or C: killing myself. Whichever comes first..."

"Need help?"

"No!" Nagi spun back to glare at them. "A borzoi! Do you know how big those things get! Look at the size of its paws! It's going to be huge! We can't keep it!"

"Aww, but she's such a sweet little puppy, Nagi-kins," said Schu as Farf set the puppy down on the floor. She was large, with silky white curly fur and large chocolate brown eyes.

"Schuldig, these things were bred for hunting. It's a Russian wolfhound. As in, it will be big and need a good amount of exercise. What are you going to do with a dog that is meant to hunt wolves?"

"Feed you to it," muttered Schu, moving around Nagi to drop the bags with the rabbit supplies in Farf's room, then bringing the dog supplies out to the kitchen.

Nagi didn't hear him, as he was staring at the large puppy sitting at his feet staring up at him with tail wagging. He felt like the dog would eat him whether or not Schu fed him to it. Her, he had said, right? Nagi tentatively reached down to pet her. She leaned her head into his hand, shyly licking his fingers. Well, maybe she wasn't as bad as he had thought. He'd have to do a bit of research online to figure out a borzoi's normal personality.

"She likes you," Farf pointed out.

"You do realize that Crawford won't like this." Nagi had knelt down to pet her.

"Well Crawford can just bite me," said Schu as he came back in. "Where is the mighty leader, anyway?"

"As I was saying before, he went to kiss up to our employer. At his retreat house. In the mountains. He'll be gone for a couple days." Nagi stood and headed to his room. The puppy followed. He turned to shoo her away, but his protests died in his throat, killed by her large innocent and trusting eyes. With a sigh, he let her into his room.

* * *

After almost an hour of research, Nagi realized that he would most likely be the one taking care of the dog. Not because the others wouldn't do it, though he knew that it would eventually come to that, but because of this particular breed's habits and personality. They were sensitive, aristocratic dogs, who needed a stable routine. She'd be picky about food, need good outdoor walks or runs often, and could literally end up sick if exposed to a lot of tension between the team members. Not to mention grooming once a week. She was like an extra-furry and extremely spoiled greyhound, basically.

He was just glad they didn't have to worry about her chasing things inside, as she was a sight hound. Crawford would never take care of her, and neither one of his other two teammates had a good personality for this kind of dog. He got up to get a snack, and make sure Schu had gotten a good brand of dog food, leaving her sleeping on his bed. He'd folded an extra blanket and laid it there for her, and she seemed happy with it.

As he dug through the fridge for something, he heard Schu calling. "Hey, I'm gonna go grab some stuff at the store. Do we need milk or anything?"

"Better dog food."

"What?" Schu looked into the kitchen. "Store brand's not good enough for her?"

"Schu, borzoi are sensitive and picky. Make sure it's a good brand, and that it hasn't expired yet."

Muttering, Schu left the apartment. With a sigh, Nagi hoped the dog would be okay here until he or Crawford could find her a better home. With snack in hand, he started back to his computer.

He stopped dead in his tracks when he got to the living room and saw Farf sitting on the couch with a small rabbit cuddled on his lap.

Normally, he would have laughed at the spectacle, but rabbits were near the top of the list of animals a borzoi would chase. "Farf, since when did you have a rabbit...?"

"Since yesterday."

Nagi was tempted to kill himself by banging his head again. "You got a rabbit yesterday, and a hunting dog today? Were you two even thinking! No, wait, don't answer that. You do realize that the dog will chase the rabbit if she sees it, right?"

"I'll keep Alice in my room if the dog is out."

Rolling his eyes, Nagi stalked off to his room, shutting the door behind him. He did a bit more research, then did half his homework, glad that today was Saturday. Then he flopped down on his bed on his stomach, petting the dog, and thinking he should name her.

* * *

Schu came back a while later with some groceries, most of which they didn't need, and the proper dog food. Farf had retreated back to his room with Alice, and Nagi was in the living room now reading while using his telekinesis to move around a knotted rope for the puppy to chase. He was playing with the dog more than reading, though. 

"I'm home." Schu dropped the things in the kitchen, and turned around to see the borzoi standing behind him, looking up at him happily. He was about to snap at her to leave him alone, but just sat down on the floor to look her in the face instead. She sat, and stared back.

The contest went on for a minute before the puppy blinked and tried to jump into his lap. Schu laughed and ruffled her ears a bit. "Cute. Just cute. Hey, Nagi!" he called. "Have you come up with any ideas on what to name her yet?" He carefully scooped her up and carried her to the living room again.

"Borzoi is derived from the Russian word for swift. I was thinking of that."

"Swift, huh? Okay. I like it." He set her down on the floor, then headed to his room.

"Schu, where are you going?"

"I want to play with my rats for a bit."

"Put the food away first...RATS!"

* * *

Schuldig made a quick exit to his room. Muttering to himself, Nagi got up, put away all the sugary snacks the German had bought, then put a collar and leash on Swift to take her out for a walk.

The next two days passed without much event, as the three of them got used to having their new pets around. Nagi was getting ready for school Monday morning, hoping that Swift wouldn't suffer separation anxiety during the day, when the phone rang. He picked it up. "Hello?"

"Nagi," he heard Crawford's voice from the other end, "I'll be delayed a couple days. I need to smooth some things over. And tell Schuldig not to get any more pets. We will be finding new homes for them when I get back. Understood?"

"Yes, sir. I will. Is there anything else?"

"No. That's all. And don't be late for school." There was a click, and dead air.

Rolling his eyes, Nagi hung up, and grabbed his lunch. On his way out, he let Farf out of his room. "Swift is in her crate, could you let her out for a couple hours around lunch time?"

Farf nodded, plopping down in his favorite chair with a manga and Alice. Nagi was amazed at how attached he'd grown to that rabbit. Shaking his head, Nagi ran out.

Farf lounged in the chair for a couple hours, before putting the rabbit in his room and letting the dog out. He noticed Schu still wasn't up, and decided to wake him. Picking the puppy up, he went into Schu's room, put the dog on his bed and quietly prompted her to lick his face until he sat up and pushed her back.

"Farf! What's the big idea!"

"Time to get up." He scooped Swift up again, and left before she could notice Fingers and Maus in their cage. He went back out to the living room with her to play. Five minutes later, they each had one end of the rope toy in their mouths and were trying to drag each other around.

Schuldig stretched as he got up, and wandered out to the kitchen to grab food, then brought it back to his room. He opened the cage, pulled the rats out, and flopped down on the bed to eat and let them wander around on him. Maus really seemed to like hiding in his hair.

Fingers, on the other hand, kept vanishing into pockets, stealing food, and disappearing when Schu wasn't watching him. He really was a little rogue. And he seemed to like getting in trouble.

Deciding they needed some toys, Schu put Maus back in the cage, searched until he found Fingers hiding under his nightstand, put him in the cage, and left. "Hey Farf. I'm going out for a while. You two play nice!"

Farf growled around the rope until Swift let go of it and he toppled backwards. "Okay." He then started batting a heavy rubber ball around, watching the puppy try to pounce on it.

* * *

When Nagi got back from school, he found Farf in the living room with the rabbit and another manga. "Where's Swift?"

"Played fer a while and got tired. Sleeping in the crate now."

"And where's Schuldig? Crawford called this morning and wanted me to tell him something."

"Out."

"Where?" Nagi asked with feigned patience.

"Didn't say." Farf tilted his head back slightly as the rabbit pushed its nose against his chin. "My guess is he'll be back soon." He reached up to rub Alice's nose.

With a sigh, Nagi turned to go to his room and drop his stuff off. "Make the rabbit scarce. I'm taking Swift out for a walk." With a sigh, he let her out of the crate, and put the collar on her and let her follow him to the door before putting the leash on.

He walked to a park a couple blocks away, where he was practically ambushed by a dozen girls who wanted to meet him because he had such a cute and sweet-tempered puppy. After dealing with them for half an hour, he'd had enough and wanted to get back to the apartment so he could do homework. On the way up, he met their snobbish neighbors with the miniature poodle, on their way out for their afternoon walk. They were actually crooning over Swift instead of their own little curly-haired rat dog. Hmm. As much as he hated people, having Swift around actually brought him good attention for once.

Nagi stepped into the apartment, Swift right beside him, to see Schuldig standing in the middle of the living room, setting something up. "What are you doing?"

"Hm? Oh, hey, Nagi-kins! Come see this! I found the neatest little lizards, called anoles."

* * *

A note to my dear friends the readers. Thank you! I was happy when chapter one got three reviews, so I was really happy when the second got seven! Well, now we all know what a borzoi is, don't we? If they weren't so high-maintenance, I'd want one.

Poor Nagi. Dog dumped on him, and all these other pets accumulating around him. What? Something about torturing your favorite character the most? I would, but it's kinda hard to torture Farfie, and I've already done it. (see New Knives; also for more reference to the snobbish neighbors.)

Reviews:

**Night-Owl123 **– One week soon enough...?

**ShadowCrow25 **– You're right, they can't look after a single pet for a week. It's amazing they've lasted a weekend with four animals.

**MalletWielderofDoom **– Why, thank you! Arigato, danke, and thank you! bows I'm happy you like the idea so much! I'm very much an animal person, and I always have to wonder "What would these characters do with a pet?" for anything that I watch. Mallets from mallet space? Gweee.

Narijima Oh, yes, they will quite the zoo. 

I actually miss my gerbil a lot. Large black thing named Zeiram. (the creature from an anime called Iria) He didn't have a food dish either. It got turned into the water dish when he started chewing on the metal holder for the water bottle, and I never found any metal shavings. It's amazing he lived for four years... But, yes, they certainly do love shoving their shaving everywhere.

**Flea Bitten – **A Weiss for a pet? We'll have to see. I don't actually plan stories, but let them write themselves, so it might happen, it might not. We'll all have to find out, including me... And rats are cool. Can't wait to get one, but I have to wait until after college is over.

Yea! hugs Another new aunt! Congrats to you too!

**Femfang** Yes, my version of Farfie is... interesting. Humorous, ADHD, can be manic-depressive at times, and of course randomly homicidal. I loves him, my prrrrrrreciousssss... ahem Moving on. Does Crawford really know what's up? Well, he knows there's animals involved, but how many did he See?

**Ptath** Here it is! Wait no longer for chapter three!


	4. Some little problems

Can We Get A Pet?

Chapter 4

The leash fell from Nagi's limp hand, and he stared straight ahead at Schuldig unblinking. Swift jumped to the side as the leash landed next to her, and looked up at Nagi nervously. The boy wasn't moving. Schu paused in setting up the tank for the anoles, and looked at him.

"Nagi? You okay?"

Farf poked his head out of his room, and then came out, shutting the door behind him to keep Alice in. "What's wrong?"

"I broke Nagi again. I think he's in shock."

"You have to stop doing that. Crawford doesn't like it. Fix him." He picked up the puppy, who was looking a bit scared, but settled down slightly in his arms. He put her down in the kitchen and pulled out the dog biscuits.

Schu went up to Nagi and waved a hand in front of his face. When there was no response, he put his hands on his hips and stared back for a second, before pushing at the kid's mind to move it along a bit. Nagi blinked, and his eyes rolled back as he collapsed. "Oops. Too much," Schu muttered as he prodded Nagi with his toe. "Oh, well. It was probably his nap time anyway." He went back to setting up the anole tank.

A minute later, Nagi's eyes fluttered open, and he sat up with a groan and a headache. He glanced at Schu, wincing. "Thanks a lot, you imbecile."

"You're welcome."

Sarcasm lost. Or ignored. Nagi stood and glared at him. "Bring those back to the store, Schuldig. Crawford called this morning before you got up, and said no more pets. I would have left you note, but I know you wouldn't have read it! What are they anyway?"

"Anoles. They're these lizards that change color, like a chameleon, but I think they only have a couple of colors. Cool, huh?"

"No, they are not cool, Schuldig. Crawford's orders: you are not to bring home any more pets!"

"Hey Farf!" Schu called into the kitchen. "I just thought of one admirable trait of cats!"

"What's that?" Farf came back into the living room.

"Selective hearing."

"Schuldig!" Nagi snapped.

"I mean, it's great. They just block out what they don't want to hear. They know when you open a can of tuna from across the house, but they don't hear you telling them to get off your lap."

Nagi rolled his eyes, knowing he wouldn't win against Schu's stubbornness. Was anyone with a German heritage like this, or was it just him? Ugh. Shaking his head to himself, he went to his room to listen to Din En Grey and do homework, Swift following close behind.

"He's mad," Farf observed.

"Who?"

"Nagi."

"Who?"

Great. Farf realized that he had once again been appointed as translator between Schuldig and Nagi. Not just messenger, but translator, as he needed to word what one said carefully when repeating it to the other. This happened about once a month. He sat on the floor and watched as Schu finished with the anole tank, put the little lizards in, and set the heat lamp on top. "So how long are you going to ignore him?"

"Who?"

Farf gave up, and went back to his room, rabbit, a book, and headphones.

* * *

Some time later, Nagi came out to make himself dinner to find Farf sitting on the floor of the living room, staring into the anole tank. "Where's Schuldig?" 

"Bedroom. Not talking to you."

"I figured that much, Farf. Why isn't he out here playing with his new pets?"

"One of them bit him. He went to play with Fingers and Maus instead." He continued to stare into the tank until a cricket that had been put in wandered too close to a lizard and got snatched up in the thing's mouth. He grinned. He then tried to look for all three lizards. One of them blended into a branch well, and he almost missed it. He scooped one out and held it out for Nagi to see. "I like them."

"Get that thing away from me." Nagi turned and went into the kitchen.

"Ooh. Dinner." Farf put the anole back, and followed. He perched himself on the counter and watched Nagi while kicking a foot.

After digging through the fridge and freezer, Nagi came to the conclusion that Schu hadn't gotten any food that could be eaten as a meal. "I'm ordering out." He turned around to see Swift sitting by her empty food dish, looking up at him with large eyes. "Okay, I'll feed you first." She wagged her tail, still looking at him. After giving her dinner, he pulled out a menu for a nearby Thai restaurant, and ordered for two. What he and Farf didn't eat, Schu would grab later when he got hungry. All the while he noticed that Swift didn't take her eyes off him, but wouldn't look at his face. "Is it just me, or is she acting guilty?"

Farf looked down at the dog and stopped kicking his foot. He watched her for a minute. "Yup. Whatever you did, good girl."

"Farf!" Nagi glowered at him for a second before looking down at Swift. "I'm not going to like this, am I? And it's probably in my room..." He shook his head and headed to the bedroom. He needed to get some money anyway. Walking in, he was surprised that there wasn't anything nasty on the floor. She followed him in, and jumped onto her blanket on the bed, and started gnawing on the bedpost where she'd already left a good number of tooth marks.

Nagi pulled his wallet out of his desk and then turned to her. "Swift! No! Stop that!" He chased her off the bed, and frowned at the chewed-upon wood of the footboard. "Bad girl, Swift. Don't chew the furniture."

She looked up at him with a whimper. He sighed and patted her head, before coaxing her into the crate.

"At least it was only the bed post. It could have been the couch," said Farf from where he was leaning against the doorframe, smirking. "Crawford would have killed you then." He turned before Nagi could make a comeback, and opened the door to his room. Alice poked her nose out, and then hopped onto the carpet. With a grin, he scooped her up, grabbed his book and headed to the living room again.

Nagi came in a minute later, muttering to himself, just as there was a knock on the door. He answered, paid for the food, and brought the bag into the kitchen. Farf followed with Alice and set the rabbit down on the linoleum floor. They each grabbed some food and a pair of chopsticks and dug in. A minute later, Schu walked in.

"Has anyone seen Fingers? I had them out of the cage, and I know where Maus is, but I can't find Fingers."

"What's that on your shoulder?" Nagi snapped. Schu didn't respond.

"Schu, which one is sitting on your shoulder?" asked Farf.

"Maus. Fingers is black." Schu reached up to rub the hooded rat with a finger, then wandered back out to search his room again, ignoring the food on the table.

"I'm assuming you're no where near as childish as he seems right now, so I will not repeat what he said," Farf told Nagi.

"Good. Why do you go along with it, anyway?"

"To keep you two from killing each other. You're both more fun for me when you're alive."

Nagi rolled his eyes. "I feel so loved." He took another bite of food, and the two ate in silence for a few minutes. Suddenly, Nagi jumped. "What th'!" He batted something off his leg and stared in horror down at the black rat that had been crawling up his leg. "SHULDIG! Get in here and get this thing out of the kitchen!"

Fingers started to scurry away, and Alice jumped and ran to the other side of the kitchen. Farf pounced out of his chair, and happily grabbed the rat. He set it down on the table to play with it. Nagi's eyes widened. "Farf, get it off the table! Now!"

Ignoring him, Farf let the rat eat from his hand. He looked up at Nagi. "He's harmless, very friendly, actually." When he looked down again, the rat wasn't in front of him. He frowned. "Where'd he go...?"

Nagi sighed and buried his face in his hands. He looked up a minute later, and nearly screamed. He batted the rat away from his food. Farf reached across the table and scooped the rat up again. He got up, and carried the irksome rat from the kitchen and walked into Schu's room, neglecting to knock as usual. "Found Fingers. Out in the kitchen. Trying to steal dinner."

"Oh, hey! Thanks, Farf!" Schu took the rat, and put him back in the cage with Maus. "Say, are you up for a night out, Farf? I'm bored with being here."

Farf shrugged. "Why not?" Then he went back to finish eating. Schu came in ten minutes later, when Nagi was done, and grabbed the leftovers. Within forty-five minutes, the two of them were out the door, without a word to Nagi, who had shut himself up in his room again.

When he realized that the apartment was silent, Nagi crept out of his room. This was odd. There was not loud German music from Schu's room, no strange techno and/or goth music from Farf's, and no sound from the TV. Where did Farf get music anyway? Did he even have a CD player...?

Nagi shook his head, and took advantage of the opportunity and put on some of his music and brought his personal laptop out into the living room. A bit of homework, then it was time to RP.

* * *

It was getting late when Nagi decided to go to bed, and the other two still weren't back. They were probably pulling an all nighter again. With a sigh, he hoped that whatever they were doing wouldn't be in the news tomorrow. He turned out the lights and went to sleep.

A half hour later, the front door quietly opened. Farf poked his head in. Schuldig had ditched him halfway through the night in favor of a pair of women, so he'd been wandering the street, terrorizing people, vandalizing property, and generally making a nuisance of himself. He had just run from the scene of his last crime when something had caught his eye. He'd picked it up, and hidden it in his coat, deciding to head home. He waited outside until he'd seen Nagi's light go off, and waited a bit longer to make sure he was asleep. Moving silently, he grabbed what was left of dinner to snack on, and went to his room, shutting the door behind him.

It was quite some time later when Schu came in, a bit drunk, the scent of cheap perfume clinging to him, and a large object in his hands. He stumbled toward his room, muttering something to Farf, who had poked his head out of his room at the noise, and then set the thing down and dropped onto his bed. He was asleep in minutes.

Farf shrugged, not having been able to make out what he'd said, and laid back down with his book.

* * *

The next day, Nagi got back from school to take Swift for a walk before going back to the library to study. He came back from his room with Swift trotting happily beside him, holding the leash in her mouth, to see Schu setting up a tall stand and hanging another cage from it. "Schuldig! What the hell is that!" Swift jumped took a step away from him.

Schu didn't acknowledge Nagi's presence. Farf came out a minute later, holding something. "What's wrong now?"

"Hey, Farf!" Schu said before Nagi could open his mouth. "One of the girls I was with last night asked me if I'd like to have her parrot. She's moving and can't take it with her. It's an African Grey Parrot, named Sasha. You like?"

Farf grinned and nodded.

Nagi blinked. "Farf, what are you holding...?"

"I found a cat last night."

Nagi resisted the urge to scream and quickly left with Swift before he killed every living thing in the apartment.

* * *

A note for my dear friends the readers. Well, there's two more for the zoo! Oh, and those aforementioned two have gotten more pets. So let's see, that's two rats, a rabbit, a dog, anoles, a bird, a cat, a German and a mad Irishman. Seems like the apartment will be a menagerie by the end of the week.

Thank you all for the reviews!

**ShadowCrow25 **– Yep! Lizards! Another type of pet I'd like sometime, but highly doubt I could ever have. At the rate they're going... Let's see, one or two animals a day, and it's been four chapters... They still have a couple days before Crawford's back... Yeah. They could open a pet store. Make some money on the side. Schwarz: Assassins by night, illegal animal dealers also by night, just because sunlight is bad, and the Evil Bright Glowy Thing in the Sky must be shot.

**MalletWielderofDoom **– Well, technically, Schu is in charge, but we all know that Nagi is the responsible one when Crawford isn't around. Poor, poor Nagi-kins. (bows) Thank you! I know that my local pet store feeds the anoles crickets, so I wouldn't really put it past the little things to chomp at people. I'll have to look it up. Oooh. Giant Squeaky Mallet of Doom! Is it good for beating brothers? And don't worry about me disappearing from the face of the planet. I might have to fight off two older brothers to use the internet, but I find the time to get through!

**Wherdatcomfrom **– Hmm... Crawford with a pet. I like it, I'll keep it in mind. And Crawford with a chinchilla is just so hilarious that I love it! Keep reading. I think I might actually put that in now! Thanks for the idea!

**Night-Owl123 **– Thank you! I always update as soon as I can. Mustn't keep my loving fans waiting!

**Naruka **– Borzoi are adorable. And I wouldn't trust those two with... um, anything. Not even my life. Obviously, that would be a bad idea. Schu will buy however many pets he feels like, regardless of orders, 'cause that's just the type of moron, I mean guy, he is. I love him, really.

**fluffy-sama's worshiper **– Hee. Glad your enjoying it!

**xKokurox **- Yeah, lucky rabbit gets to cuddle with Farf. Actually, Alice was named (and looks like) a rabbit my friend Kou and I found at the mall last fall. I've seen Bloody Roar once, but I've never played it. This rabbit we saw was white with black ears and circles around the eyes. Since we didn't know it's gender, I just called it Alice for either Alice in Wonderland (white rabbit, march hare, and all) or Alice Cooper (the guy wears a lot of heavy black eye liner, and probably dyes his hair black). When we saw the rabbit, I would have loved to get it, but there were a couple problems. No money for it, I lived in the dorm so no pets that don't live in water, and I already have a huge white rabbit at home named Schmendrick the Little White Magician. Don't let the name fool you. He's bigger than the cat.


	5. Who knew?

Can We Get A Pet?

Chapter 5

Nagi stalked to the park, slowly relaxing. He needed more time away from the apartment, but then the other two would get into trouble most likely. His only consolation was that Crawford would be back in the next day or two, and then they'd have to get rid of all the animals. Granted, he'd be a bit sad to see Swift go, but she just couldn't be kept in the apartment. And it would be a huge pain to get the rabbit away from Farf. He really loved the little thing, for some odd reason. Farf didn't care about anything that breathed before, including himself at times, so that fact that he carried a rabbit around the house to cuddle with was mind-boggling.

Nagi's head started to hurt, so he decided to stop thinking about Farf caring about anything. He reached the park, happy to get away from them. Immediately, he saw a couple of girls running over to say hi. They were the same ones he saw there everyday with their own dogs. It annoyed him that he couldn't get peace even here, but at least they complimented him instead of insulted him. Okay, so there was a plus side to owning the dog.

While he watched Swift running inside a large dog run at the park, Nagi started thinking. Schu had gotten a parrot from a girl. A very intelligent bird, at that. He'd seen something on TV once where they were doing intelligence tests on African Grey Parrots. They had remarkable memories, and could identify objects, colors, and shapes. Like a dolphin, only the bird could talk. This was kind of neat in that he could see first hand how smart one actually was. On the other hand, it was a bird, and they couldn't keep it. Even if he'd liked it, he'd tell them to get rid of it.

And a cat. Farf had brought home a stray cat. Its fur was all matted and dirty, it was probably covered in fleas and mites, and it most likely carried all sorts of diseases. It would need a bath, and shots, and that would be a hassle. Not to mention be expensive. Farf could just take care of it, because he wasn't going anywhere near that mangy cat. Maybe he could sneak it out behind Farf's back and say it ran when he'd opened the door. But of all the animals they'd brought home, that was the one he wanted to get rid of the most.

Swift trotted over, ready to go home, panting happily. She'd outdistanced the other dogs she'd been racing with, but had gotten tired a lot faster. Borzoi were fast and energetic, but had a low stamina. Nagi snapped the leash onto her collar and left, actually waving to the girls and surprising himself. He walked Swift home, saying hello to their neighbors, and took her off the leash before opening the door to the apartment.

She walked in next to him, and stopped, staring. The cat was sitting in the chair in the living room that Farf had claimed. It watched them, the tip of its tail twitching. Swift let out a soft growl, and lunged forward. The cat jumped to the back of the chair as the puppy jumped onto the cushion, barking and trying to snap at it. The cat hissed and swiped at the dog's nose. With a yelp, Swift jumped back and ran to hide behind Nagi. On the other side of the room, the parrot squawked, and said something that sounded suspiciously like a very rude remark in English.

Farf came in from the kitchen. "What's going on?"

"Farf, get rid of that cat! First off, the dog and the cat will not get along. Second, it scratched Swift!" Nagi knelt down, carefully holding Swift by the collar to look at her bleeding nose. "Poor girl."

"Hey, she made the first move. So don't blame Ashes." Farf picked up the large grey cat that was watching Swift intently. He went back to the kitchen with the smug-looking feline.

Nagi sighed and led Swift into the bathroom to gently clean the blood off her nose with a damp washcloth. "You poor girl, Swift. Let's get you into the crate, huh? I'll tell Farf to lock that thing in his room when I feed you later, okay?"

Meanwhile, Farf set the cat down on the counter in the kitchen. He opened a can of tuna fish for her, and rubbed her back as she ate. "Good girl, Ashes." He was proud of her for proving him right and standing up to a dog more than twice her size. And he was proud of himself for giving her a bath. She must have been recently abandoned, as she was just dirty, and only had a few fleas on her. She was now clean and happy.

"What was all that noise a minute ago?" Schuldig was leaning against the doorframe.

"Ashes just showed Swift who was boss."

Schu gave a start. "You mean that the cat took on the dog and won?"

"Cat scratched the dog, the dog cowered behind Nagi."

"Who?"

"Never mind," muttered Farf. "Oh, and I take it the bird was kept in the bedroom at its last home?"

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"The lewd comments it's been making all afternoon."

Schu grinned. He then turned and went out to talk to Sasha the bilingual parrot. Maybe teach her German as well as Japanese and English.

* * *

Later, Nagi let Swift out of his room to eat. He'd done some shopping after school, so they had something for dinner. He fed the dog, and put the frozen pizza in the oven. While it was cooking, he curled up on the couch to read for literature class. Swift followed and curled up on the floor in front of him.

After a couple minutes, Farf opened his door and peeked out. Seeing Swift, he frowned, and decided to play with Alice in his room. Ashes slipped out unnoticed, though. The cat stalked out to the living room and jumped onto the couch. Swift watched her without lifting her head from her paws, having learned that cats hurt your nose if you play with them. Nagi jumped when he felt the cat sniffing at his elbow, having not noticed her before. "Get away from me, cat."

"Mrrrow." Ashes pawed at his arm for a second, then decided to curl up on the book on his lap.

"Get off me!"

The cat just purred, cleaned her face, and then tucked her paws under her chest and curled her tail around her side and closed her eyes.

Sasha chose that moment to voice her opinion. Or actually, repeat something her previous owner had said to one of her nighttime partners. Nagi blushed at that explicit comment. "Shut up, bird!" He shook his head and muttered to himself. "That's just wrong..." He was really starting to wish that Crawford would be home soon. They needed to get rid of these animals!

The oven timer went off, and Nagi tried to chase Ashes off his lap unsuccessfully. With a another of his increasingly frequent sighs, he finally shoved the cat off. She landed on the floor easily on her toes with an indignant growl. Nagi ignored her and went to the kitchen to pull the pizza out. He put two slices on his plate, sat at the table, and started eating while continuing to read.

Farf came out of his room again. "Pizza." He sat down and grabbed a slice. "Have you seen Ashes?" he asked around a bite. "She's not in my room."

"It decided to use my book as a pillow."

"Ah." He looked around. "Where's Swift?"

"She's in the living room," Nagi said, finally realizing she hadn't followed him into the kitchen. That was odd. She would follow him anywhere if he let her. "I wonder why she didn't follow me...?"

They both got up and went out to have a look. Swift was still laying in front of the couch, looking up at them pleadingly, as if asking them to get the cat off of her. Ashes had indeed made the dog into her new pillow. With the cuts on her nose still stinging, Swift wasn't about to argue with Ashes.

Sasha cocked her head to the side. "Let's play! Let's play!" The bird then imitated some other noises that made Nagi blush again. Farf just stared at the bird.

"Maybe we should have Schu move her to his room."

"Please, do," muttered Nagi, stalking back into the kitchen to finish his pizza.

Farf shrugged, and put a sheet over the birdcage to keep her quiet before following Nagi and grabbing two more slices. "Schu's out again, by the way."

Nagi stopped chewing and stared at him. He swallowed. "Why should I care?"

Shrugging again, Farf finished off one slice and started on the other. "Just thought you'd like to know."

"He can do what he wants. He is supposed to be the responsible one when Crawford's gone. Like that ever happens..."

Farf snorted and nearly choked on his pizza. "Don't joke like that when I'm eating!"

"Well, do you know where he is?"

"Out?" he replied hesitantly.

Nagi rolled his eyes. "Farf... Where did he go when he went out?"

"Um... He didn't say..."

Dropping his head, Nagi groaned. "This can't be good."

* * *

Nagi ended up shoving the cat off Swift so the dog could move, then went to his room to finish his homework before getting online for the night. He assumed Farf was in his room because the door was closed. Ashes had made herself comfortable on the back of the couch, Sasha was quiet for once, and Alice was in Farf's room. It was nice and quiet, which Nagi realized would be a rare occurrence with the growing number of pets those two idiots brought home.

He jumped when he heard a loud crash in the kitchen. Swift looked up from where she was on his bed. "What was that?" he muttered to himself. He left the computer to check it out.

As he reached the kitchen, something black scurried across the floor and hid under the stove, closely followed by a grey streak that ran headfirst into the stove. Ashes shook her head, then reached a paw under the stove, trying to bat at Fingers. The rat was cornered and hissing a bit at the cat. Swift gave a low growl from beside Nagi, but this time didn't charge the cat.

Nagi grabbed her collar, and considered letting that cat have her way with the rat, but knew that wouldn't go over well with Schuldig. He pulled Swift back to his room, then went out and grabbed the cat from behind, and held her out at arms length to carry her back to Farf's room. He kicked at the door, as he couldn't knock while holding an angry cat, but got no answer. Shoving the door open with his foot, he saw that Alice was in her cage and Farf was missing. Nagi dropped the cat on the bed, and left, shutting the door to keep her in.

Great. Not only had Schu left, but now Farf had snuck out behind his back. This couldn't be good at all. Grumbling to himself, he went back out to the kitchen to try and get Fingers from under the stove. The rat refused to budge, though, and just sat under the stove, cleaning his whiskers. How had he gotten out, anyway? Not even sure what to try to lure the rat out with, he went to Schu's room to figure out how the rat escaped, and to see if Maus was still in the cage or had also gotten loose.

Maus was still in the cage, but the top had been popped open. Not that it even had a good closure on it. It looked like Fingers might have opened it himself. He closed the cage, and headed back to his room.

Halfway there, he heard the front door open quietly, as if someone was trying to hide the fact that they were sneaking back in. "I know it's you, Farf. Where did you go, and how many people did you maim, mutilate, or kill? You had better not be on the news again tonight."

There was a pause, then Farf shuffled down the hall, a bag in one hand, trying not to look guilty. "I only killed one person, and I sunk the body in the bay."

"Okay, I can let that slip. Now what's in the bag?"

Farf tried to hide the bag behind him, but Nagi had already seen it. "Nothing important."

"Farf..."

"Nothing!"

"Farfarello, if it was nothing, you wouldn't hide it! So spill it!"

Farf, pouted and let Nagi look in the bag.

"What is that...?" Nagi's eyes widened and he stepped back.

"A vine snake. It was on sale, and I liked it. I'll keep it in my room, so you don't have to deal with it, and it's too small to go after the other animals."

"Farf, Crawford said no more pets!"

"No, he said that for Schuldig, not for me! So I can get as many as I want." Farf stuck his tongue out at Nagi and proceeded to his room.

Shaking his head, Nagi went back to his own room. How many pets could they get in one day? As he was going for his room again when the door opened a second time, and without any attempts to hide his entrance, Schu waltzed in with a box in his hands.

"Hey Farf! Come see what I got!"

Not wanting to deal with it, Nagi ran to his room, calling, "Farf, tell Schuldig one of his rats figured out how to open the cage! I can't catch it!" He slammed the door behind him.

Farf got up from where he was sitting on the floor staring at the new snake eating a cricket and went out to see why Schu was so excited. "One of your rats found out how to get out on his own. He's loose in the house. Now, what did you get?" He watched Schu, just knowing that it was going to be something edible or another pet to annoy Nagi.

The German reached into the box and pulled something out. In his hand was a tarantula. A very large, hairy tarantula.

His eye widening, Farf drew back. "Get that thing away from me...!"

Schu blinked. Not the reaction he was expecting. "I thought you didn't mind the idea when I suggested it the other day."

"I didn't think you'd actually get one!"

Curious now, Schu probed Farf's mind. "Does Brad know you have mild arachnophobia?"

"... no."

"Why not?"

"I'm not supposed to fear anything!"

"But you're afraid of spiders. See?" He held the tarantula out again, and Farf stepped back, hissing. "I bet you're also afraid of people knowing your fears."

"Just shut up." Farf turned and stormed back to his room.

Grinning, Schu carried the arachnid to his room and set a small tank for it on his desk next to the rat cage, then went out to the kitchen to find Fingers. This was going to be fun.

* * *

A note to my dear friends the readers. Gweee! Chapter five! And still no end in sight. I feel evil. I gave poor Farf a phobia. The Berserker is afraid of spiders. Crawford shows up again next chapter. Wow. You mean, he's actually in this story for more than five minutes? Yes, he is! Will this stop the parade of pets? Not very likely, at this point. Why? Just because it's too much fun. I can't help it. Torturing bishi guys is a favorite pass time of mine. And for a lot of you as well. Are we all agreed it's an addiction?

Well, I think I'll take this time to talk a bit about my own pets. I've mentioned that I'd like a couple of the animals that Schu and Farf are, um, collecting... But I have a few pets already, and have had quite a number over my life. I'd like to introduce you to them, just fer the heck of it. I currently have four pets: a cat named Moe, a large albino rabbit named Schmendrick the Little White Magician, and two fish, a betta named Shiden and a comet goldfish named Dart the Second.

Moe is a small tabby cat, whose sisters and brother were named Eenie Meenie and Miney. He's the runt of the litter, and both front paws are double pawed (have an extra thumb, which is supposed to be good luck.) The little guy has a Napoleon complex and has been known to beat up larger cats and chase dogs out of the yard. Much like Ashes, except she's bigger.

Schmen is bigger than the cat, so really, don't let the name fool you. He ain't little. He's pure white with red eyes, and is always hungry. Fortunately, I've been able to train him to back up if he wants a treat when I feed him. He's a big cutey who loves getting his nose rubbed. As much as I wanted to get the rabbit Alice is based on, I already have one that's four times its size.

Shiden is a lavender betta. Really, that means he's red with a purple or blue iridescence. He's a little attention hog who loves having his tank next to my laptop. His name means Purple Lightning or Sword Flash in Japanese. And Dart is a small goldfish whose tank needs to be a little bigger. Once I have money, I'll upgrade that for him. Funny thing about him: I used to have a goldfish named Dart who died last year, and my friend Cat said she had a goldfish for me a few weeks ago, named Dart. Well, when I went to pick him up, she admitted that the first fish she had gotten for me didn't make it, so she had gone back to get me another. So for both of us, his name was Dart the Second.

As for my previous pets, I've had two other cats, about fifty mice (I bred them), a gerbil, an evil hamster, several betas, and some various other fish. I've come to the conclusion that I'm one of those people who can't live unless surrounded by animals, which makes living in the dorm at college hard, as we can only have fish. Of course, not everyone listens, and the gerbil and mouse have gotten away with being kept, but I don't think a rat will really go unnoticed. And the last pet I want I can never have unfortunately, despite the fact he comes with a collar (and a very large set of knives).

And thank you to my reviewers!

**xKokurox** – Alice was so cute, too. And yes, this Alice is very lucky. I too would love to switch places with her. I mean, I have a thing for odd colored eyes, pale hair, pale complexion, scars, psychos... Excuse me while I get a tissue to wipe the drool from my laptop... Heh, Cats rule. They really do. Moe is in charge at my house.

**MalletWielderofDoom** – Schu? Be responsible? Yeah, right. But nonetheless, he seems to be in charge of the minor and the deranged one when Crawford is gone. Oh, Crawford's gonna be mad, al right. Glasses will get all glow-y-like and look very evil. A monkey? I'll have to think of where Farf could find a monkey...

**fluffy-sama's worshiper **– I'm glad it's so funny! I excel at comedy, even though I'm a depressed college student, for some odd reason. Maybe I'm trying to cheer myself up and just happen to amuse others while I'm at it. Enjoy!

**Arileo** – It's both. And then some. Poor Nagi.

**ShadowCrow25** – Ooh, ooh! I'll buy them I'll buy them! I want a stubborn, crazed telepath and a mad Irish berserker! Please, Mommy, please can I buy them:)

Swift is a sweetheart. And I'm sure that Nagi would sell her to you if he could. As much as he loves her, he knows she needs a better home. Though the cats would definitely disapprove of it. I know his Royal Pain in the Heinieness wouldn't. Hmm. He got the tuna can the day I got your review. Interesting. And yes, it does just get better! Thank you!

**Wherdatcomfrom** – Hee. Iguanas. No names for the anoles, snake or tarantula, but everything else has them. Currently, the rocks have slipped Schu and Farf's minds. But not mine. They will be mentioned again. Eventually.


	6. Welcome Home

Can We Get A Pet?

Chapter 6

The next day went fairly well, considering Farf was avoiding Schuldig, Schuldig was avoiding Nagi, and Nagi was avoiding both of them, and all three were keeping the animals apart. It wasn't that bad, as Nagi kept Swift in his room while at school, but curtly reminded Farf to let her out for a while at lunch. Nagi had gotten home, taken Swift for her walk after threatening to kill Sasha for another of her uncouth outbursts. Farf brought Alice out to the living room to read while the dog was out. After about fifteen minutes, the door opened.

"Welcome back," he said without looking up at the grumbling Crawford. He turned a page and went back to petting Alice as the rabbit was falling asleep on his stomach.

Crawford glanced at him. "Put the book down, put the rabbit away, and help me with my bags."

"Nice to see you too. What did you bring back for me?"

"Farfarello..."

"Fine..." He set the book and rabbit down on the chair and grabbed a bag Crawford handed to him. "Where?"

The precog didn't answer, just looked around the living room. "Farf, there is something wrong about this room. Can you tell me what it is?"

He paused, and followed Crawford's gaze. "The anoles haven't been fed yet today. Schuldig usually does that, but doesn't want to leave his room." Farf went over to drop a couple crickets into the tank.

"Incorrect. The problem is that there _are_ anoles in the living room. And a parrot and a rabbit." Then he muttered, "Like I'm one to talk..."

Farf looked at him curiously, but he just picked up the rest of his things and carried them to his room, except for a box. Shrugging, Farf followed. "So you don't like anoles? Or parrots?"

"We can't keep pets. We don't have the space-" He stopped. "Why is there a cat on my bed?"

"Ashes! There you are! How did you get out of my room?" Farf dropped what he was carrying and picked up the cat.

Crawford took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. A sure sign that he was aggravated. "So Schuldig is in his room?" Farf nodded to this. Crawford put his glasses back on and looked at him. "And where's Nagi?"

"Walking the dog."

"The dog."

"Yes."

"Why do we have a dog?" His glasses flashed.

"Because Schu and I liked her, but she likes Nagi, so he takes care of her."

Taking a calming breath, Crawford turned his back to Farf. "Get Schuldig, and go wait in the living room. If Nagi comes in soon, tell him to stay in there, too. I'll be out shortly."

Not liking the tone of Crawford's voice, Farf put Ashes back in his room and got Schu, who had Maus on his shoulder again. They sat on the couch, waiting, Farf picking up Alice again and holding it. They waited about ten minutes, occasionally hearing an odd scratching sound, like a rodent scraping at cardboard. Nagi came in then.

"What's going on?"

Schu didn't even look at him, just ran his hands through his hair, reveling in the silky feel. Farf gave an annoyed little huff, and turned to look at the kid. "Crawford's home. Wants to talk to us."

Nagi smirked. "I guess it's time to get rid of the animals, then."

Farf's eye widened, and Schu tried to hide a flinch. "No," said Farf. "No, we can't get rid of them! I won't give up Alice or Ashes!"

Ignoring him, Nagi went to put Swift in her crate, then went back out to the living room. Just as he sat on the floor next to the couch, since Schu and Farf were both taking up as much room as they could on it, Crawford came out.

He got right to the point. "Give me an entire list of animals we have here."

"I've got the dog in my room," Nagi said.

"Touch my cat and rabbit, and they'll never find your body..." threatened Farf.

"What about your snake?" reminded Nagi.

"What animals?" Schu asked innocently, despite the fact there was an anole tank and parrot cage being kept in the living room and he had a hooded rat perched on his shoulder.

Crawford's glasses looked like they were glowing. Apparently, he was mad. "So we have a dog, a cat, a rabbit, lizards, a bird, a snake, and rats."

Farf was about to bring up Schu's latest pet, when the telepath broke into his thoughts. _'If you mention the tarantula, Crawford will hear about your fear, and you will be finding said tarantula every time you turn around. Got it?'_

Farf gulped, and looked at Schu from the corner of his eye. His jaw clenched for a second. _'Got it...'_

Schu smirked and told Crawford, "Yeah, that's about it."

"So we have about eight things to get rid of."

"Eight?"

"I'm referring to the rats as one animal, and the anoles as one."

"That's still seven," Nagi pointed out.

"And now there's this." Crawford went over to the box he'd left out there and opened it. A furry little grey head poked out. "Our employer has decided that Schwarz is a bunch of idiots who need to get real lives, and insisted on buying us a chinchilla."

There was dead silence for a minute. "It's cute," said Farf. "Can I have its pelt?"

"No."

"Oh, so we have to follow your word and not your example, huh Brad?" said Schu. "We can't get pets but you can? Well, then, I'm not letting you do anything to my animals. I'm keeping them."

"Schuldig..."

"No way. I'm keeping them. All of them. And you have no right to talk since you went back on your word and got a pet yourself."

"Schuldig, I did not buy that thing! And as soon as we can find homes, all the animals will be out of this apartment!"

"You're scaring Alice." Farf held the little rabbit close. He got up and headed to his room.

"We are not done here, Farfarello."

Farf just closed his door, not saying anything to Crawford's remark. Nagi blinked. Schu stretched and got up. "Looks like we're done to me." He followed Farf's example, and went to his room, locking the door behind him.

"Should we put an ad in the paper?" asked Nagi, getting up off the floor. He watched as Crawford dropped into a chair muttering about insubordinate subordinates.

"Yes. That might be a good idea." Crawford took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose again. "While we're at it, we should put an ad in for those two."

Nagi smirked. "Tempting. Very tempting..."

* * *

It took a while to find something to keep the chinchilla in, before they finally settled on just putting up a gate and keeping it in the kitchen until they could get it a cage or a home. Farf also decided to name it something random. He came up with calling it Purple because it was grey. This made no sense to anyone else, and apparently, not even to him, but he didn't care.

With the other animals in Schu and Farf's rooms and the gate across the kitchen door being waist-height, Nagi let Swift out again. As far as he was concerned, she was top priority, as it would be harder to find the right home for her. But until then, might as well let her get used to this new person. Crawford's first reaction to the dog was similar to his.

The precog stared down at the large but very cute puppy, staring back up at him, her eyes big and curious but still shy. "That's a dog...?"

"Yup." Nagi patted her on the head while reading the next chapter for lit class.

"It's going to be a large dog."

"Yup."

Crawford continued to stare at her. Swift yawned, and curled up at his feet to take a nap. Shaking his head, Crawford walked off to finish unpacking. "Get off my bed, cat!" He attempted to pick up Ashes.

And immediately had all her claws and teeth embedded in his arm. The growling cat didn't like the idea of giving up the bed. "OW!" He tried to pry her off, but she wouldn't let go.

Schu and Farf looked out of their rooms, and Nagi looked up from his book as the apartment was filled with swearing in English. "Wow," said Schu. "I don't think even Sasha knew that word."

As if in response, the bird let out a string of swears that almost, but not quite, rivaled what was coming from Crawford's room. "Shut up, Sasha!" Nagi snapped at her.

"Farf! Get in here and get your cat!" Crawford worked one pawfull of claws from his arm, and she tightened her grip with everything else.

Glancing at Schu and quietly stepping back into his room, Farf mouthed to the telepath "soundproof cell" and shut the door.

'_Um, Farf? Maybe you should help him out there. It is your cat.'_ Schu watched his door for any reaction.

'He wants to get rid of her. So I'm just gonna let her kick his butt like she did with the dog. Crawford gets taken down by a cat, he has no right to get rid of any of our pets.'

'_Good point.'_ Schu moved and stood in the doorway to Crawford's room to watch. Ashes now had all her front claws in his other arm, and was trying to kick with her hind legs. Her teeth were sunk into his sleeve, put not flesh anymore. "You look like you're having some trouble there, Brad."

"Either keep quiet or get this thing off me!"

"Well, if you're going to snap at me, I don't see why I should help."

Crawford was about to mention Schu's paycheck, but the cat let go of his arm, and went for the throat. He got the arm the cat had first attacked up just in time to block her, and knocked her back to the bed. He glared down at her.

Ashes sat there, her tail lashing and one nicked ear twitching, and cleaned a paw. She had blood all over her claws and was leaving bright red prints all over the comforter. Crawford moved to grab her again, and she stopped licking her claws clean and stared at him with olive-gold eyes. She seemed to be daring him to try again. He backed off.

Still muttering all the swears he knew under his breath, Crawford stalked off to the bathroom to clean up his cat-torn arms. "That cat will be the first to go, if I have to toss it out the window..."

"You're just mad that you were trashed by a cat." Schu smirked. "You'd have to catch her before you could get rid of her. I'm not going to pick her up, Nagi won't go near her, and Farf's not going to get rid of her. If you want her gone, you're going to have to get beaten up by her again."

Crawford glared at him. He'd find some way to get rid of Ashes. He would not be beaten by a cat! Schu just chuckled, not intimidated in the least, and went back to his room. Crawford went back to dousing his hands in hydrogen peroxide. When he was done with that, he opened up the medicine cabinet only to find that there were no bandages, just a couple tiny band-aides. He frowned. The band-aides were too small for any one of his cuts. He turned to leave the bathroom, and nearly tripped over the dog.

Swift jumped out of the way in time, though. She then sat down, and stared up at him for a second before scratching behind her ear with her hind foot. And kept scratching. Crawford decided to ignore her, and moved around her.

He knocked on Farf's door. "Farfarello! Did you steal all the bandages again? How many times do I have to tell you to leave them in the bathroom."

Farf opened the door slightly. "But I ran out last night, and I needed some."

"As do I at this moment. And until we can get you your own, no cutting. Understood?"

Pouting, Farf nodded, and let Crawford push his door open more. As the madman rummaged through his closet for the bandages, Alice hopped out from under the bed, and came over to sniff the feet of this new comer. The rabbit would occasionally stop what it was doing, scratch at its ear and then clean its paws and ears. After a minute, it lost interest in him and wandered back over to the bed. It stood on its hind feet, swaying front to back for a second, sniffing the air. Then Alice jumped onto the bed, hopped over to the pillow, and sat there to finish cleaning its face. Farf finally extracted himself from the recesses of his closet and tossed two rolls of gauze to Crawford.

Dropping back onto the bed to pick up his book and pet Alice, Farf gave Crawford a little dismissive wave. "Have fun. Don't use it all in one place. Close the door on the way out, thank you."

Crawford decided he wasn't in the mood to put up with Farf's odd behavior in any form, and just left the room. He also decided it would be rather difficult to wrap both hands in the gauze by himself. He went out to the living room where Nagi was reading. "Nagi, would you help me with these bandages, please?"

Which Nagi knew to mean "Nagi, you will help me with these bandage, no excuses." Smothering a sigh, he complied. Halfway through, his eye twitched a bit.

"Is there a problem?" Crawford's tone told Nagi that if he said yes, there would be a bigger problem. His patience was shot today.

"No. Just an itch." Nagi finished wrapping Crawford's cuts, and went back to his lit reading.

* * *

Crawford insisted that Schuldig take the bird into his room when he heard her imitating more erotic bedroom noises, and understood why Nagi hated the bird so much. Schu set the cage up in his room, and then left the apartment, claiming his roommates were getting on his nerves. Crawford yelled at him not to bring home any more pets again just before the door shut, then sighed and went back to what he was doing at his desk, which was cleaning his gun. Nagi had relocated to his room, for the same reason Schu had left. That and he could listen to his music instead of hear Sasha from across the apartment.

Farf glanced out of his room, didn't see anyone, and made a break for the door.

"Farfarello, do not leave this apartment!"

"No fair. How come Schu can leave and I can't?"

"Actually, I'm about to hunt him down before he brings back more rodents." Crawford finished cleaning and loading the handgun. "If you leave, you will also become a target."

"Like I care..." Farf crossed his arms and leaned against the door.

"When I take out your knee caps and you can't walk, you will."

Farf's eye widened, and he arched a brow. "You're serious, aren't you...?"

"Yes." Crawford got up. He looked around his office to see if there was anything he'd need. Something black moving along the wall caught his attention. A rat scurried from the wall under a chair, then to the desk. Temporarily forgetting where the German was, Crawford called, "Schuldig!"

"He's out. Remember?"

Crawford blinked. "Don't talk back to me, Farfarello."

"I wasn't. I simply pointed out the very obvious, which had momentarily slipped your mind. Now I'm talking back."

Grumbling to himself and choosing to ignore the annoying Irishman, Crawford got down to look for the rat under the desk, hoping to kill it and blame the cat. It wasn't there anymore. He looked under the chairs, and still didn't see it. He started searching the whole floor, under the desk, chairs, filing cabinet, and then moving up to look in the curtains on the window. He whirled around when he heard Farf trying not to laugh at him. "Farf, go away. Go read one of your comics or something."

"Right away, sir," he mocked, still sniggering. He reached his door and called back over his shoulder, "Fingers is on your desk, by the way!"

Crawford looked down at the desk. Sitting in the middle of it was the rat. Fingers was chewing on he edge of a paper on top of a pile, occasionally stopping to shake his head or scratch. "I just filled out that report!" He reached down to grab the rat, but Fingers dodged and ran. He jumped off the edge of the desk, and ran from the room. Crawford, gun still in hand, ran after him. But as soon as he reached the hallway, he lost sight of the rat. He frowned to himself, and stormed off to the front door. "Farf, if you can catch that rat, I'll consider overlooking whatever you do tonight! Both of you stay here, and don't do anything stupid!" The door slammed behind him, and he began his search for Schuldig.

"Me and Nagi, or me and the rat?" Farf wondered out loud. Then started snickering again.

From his room, Nagi said, "You and me, Farf. Though he should know by this point that I never even want to leave my room usually, much less the apartment, and Schuldig is the one who is most likely to do stupid things. And even that's not very often." He turned away from the homework and snack on his desk to pet and reassure Swift. All the yelling since Crawford had come home was making her nervous. A minute later, he turned back to his math problems.

Fingers was on his desk, munching on Nagi's peanut butter and crackers. Nagi cried out, and threw the rat across the room with his powers. Swift's head jerked up, and she eyed the rodent before pouncing off the bed and giving chase. Fingers scurried out of the room again, and past Farf, who was still standing by his door. The madman reached down and deftly caught Swift by the collar. "Just let her kill that thing!" Nagi yelled.

Ignoring him, Farf scooped the dog up so she was laying on her back in his arms. She blinked at him then wagged her tail, squirmed playfully, and attempted to lick his face. Grinning, Farf carried the dog out to the living room to play.

Nagi sighed. "It's going to be one of those nights, isn't it...?" He threw out what was left of his snack, refusing to eat something a rat had just been chewing, and decided to just wait for dinner. He needed to finish his math homework before hand, though. He looked at his math problems, and tuned out the sounds of Farf and Swift growling at each other out in the living room as they tried to steal the knotted rope from each other again.

He'd just finished the last problem and was looking the paper over for any mistakes when the front door opened. Nagi didn't hear Farf quietly ask something, or the hushed reply. He didn't hear footsteps, didn't feel the other person in his room, until a hand settled on his shoulder. Jumping, Nagi turned quickly, ready to knock the cocky German halfway across Japan for both scaring him and coming into his room uninvited. "Schuldig! What the he—"

"Got you a present!" Schu cut the rant short. "You're so uptight, Nagi. Almost as much as Crawford. Thought you needed something."

"Whatever it is, I don't want it. Bring it back."

"Nope. Not gonna!"

Nagi grumbled, and left the room to make himself some dinner, shoving the telepath ahead of him with his powers. Stalking off to the kitchen, he left Schu standing in the hallway. Farf left Swift shaking the rope around wildly to see what the German was up to. "Just so you know, Fingers is loose again. I would have caught him and put him back but... Uhm... Yeah, there's a huge eight-legged _thing _in your room. So what did you get him?"

Schu grinned, opened Nagi's door again, and went in. He had a large paper bag in one hand. Going over to the desk, he shoved the math papers to the side, and set up a wire cage similar to the one for his rats. He filled it with shavings, stuck a water bottle onto the side, and dumped some food in. Then he pulled a box out of the bag, and pulled a pair of small rodents out. They were somewhat rat-like, with long hind feet, and fuzzy tails with a little tuft on the end. "Gerbils," he finally answered. He set them in the cage, and ushered Farf out of the room, closing the door again.

Farf snickered. "He's going to throw a hissy fit. And Crawford is going to kill you. At least that was his plan when he left."

"Who cares. Let's get dinner." They headed into the kitchen, pausing in the living room to stare at Swift and Ashes who were curled up together on Farf's chair. Looked like the cat now had the dog wrapped around her paw. Shrugging, Schu made for the fridge.

Nagi looked up at them as they entered, trying to ignore Purple running around his feet, and glared at them. "What did you do to my room?"

Purple hopped away to a corner, and scratched at its side. The chinchilla then proceeded over to a deep pan filled with powder for a dust bath that had been set in the corner for it.

"How do you even know we were in your room?" asked Schu innocently.

The kid just rolled his eyes and dropped it. He didn't want to deal with Schu right now. While Schu pulled his plate of leftovers from the microwave, they heard the front door. Crawford stormed in just as Schu sat, and stood behind the telepath. "Schuldig..."

"Hi, Brad. Can I help you?"

In response, Crawford wrapped his hands around Schu's neck.

"Brad! What are you—AGHCK!" With his protests and air supply gone, Schu looked at the other two for help. _'Get him off me!'_

Nagi and Farf just watched disinterestedly. "You probably deserve it," Nagi told him. "Check that. I _know_ you deserve it. Especially if what you brought home for me breathes..."

'_Farf! Help me, will ya!'_

"Nah. It's more fun watching him strangle you." He then turned his attention to Nagi, and promptly pretended to forget about Schu and Crawford. "If you don't want the gerbils I'll take them."

"Gerbils? Why would he get me gerbils? I've heard that they're very active and can get annoying." Nagi thought for a second. "I suppose I should look at them before I decide. But I'll probably let you have them." He reached up to scratch irritably at his neck.

Farf stared at him. Crawford loosened his hold on Schu, and they both looked at him. That's when they realized:

Swift had been scratching.

Alice had been scratching.

Fingers had been scratching.

Purple was scratching.

Now Nagi?

All four of them look at each other. Three of them began swearing. Farf smirked, and said, "Fleas."

* * *

A note to my dear friends the readers. Chapter six done! I started it early, and almost didn't finish it on time. I feel that there is really no point to this chapter and it jumped around a bit, but it amused me.

Well, they now have one problem I'm glad we never have to deal with again. My poor cat is allergic to fleas, so he gets medication and I don't get itchy. But fleas are excessively annoying... (and Draco quickly enters and exits "Sanzo Mode.") Sorry. Have a couple Saiyuki fics that are currently going nowhere fast. Anyway. Fleas. Horrid little buggers.

And now Crawford's home! Goody! And he's trying to kill Schu! How many saw it coming...? No pun intended. And Schu got Nagi gerbils. Yes, they are cute, and yes, they are noisy, and yes, they will get annoying rather quickly, especially if you keep them in your room.

Out of curiosity, did chapter five not go over well, or did everyone just vanish? Thanks to Kokuro and Shadow Crow for commenting! To both of you: I can certainly understand how the "eight-legged _things,_" as Farf put it, can freak you out. I would probably also be arachnophobic if I hadn't needed one of the little creeps to clean my room of the caterpillars that crawled out of the mouse food...

**ShadowCrow25 **– Gwee! Crawford's gonna let me keep Schu-Schu and Farfie! Yea! It's gonna take a while for Crawford to find out about Farf's arachnophobia. Schu's gonna have fun holding that fear over Farf's head. Never thought our little psycho could be blackmailed either, huh?

**xKokurox **– Oh, yes, Ashes shall dominate! Oh, yes, Ashes kicks the crap outta Crawford's ass! I shall gladly let her do it again, if you like. It was fun! Guess what? You found a story that you like with no pairings! I'm thinking of writing a separate story or two with pairings, but I have no idea for plots. I've never done pairings before, so it'll be an experiment for me. Just for you, I'm planning something for the "eight-legged _thing._" And thank you for the website you suggested. I am in love. And I am raiding that site whenever I have the time. You are currently my favorite person in the world for telling me about it. I give you hugs and pocky.

**Tsukiyo no Yume **Thank you for the sudden reviews for EVERY chapter! I give you hugs and pocky, too! I like the idea of Farf now trying to find something to scare Schu. Borzoi can be demanding dogs. I wanted a chicken at one point. Maybe I'll get them one. It's very funny when cats let you walk them on leashes. Moe does that when we take him to the vet. He walks right out to the car after, and he'll jump in when I open the door. It's like he's saying: "Yeah, I hate the car, but it's better than being back in _there._" Hmm. Crawford develops allergies? Oh, I love being so cruel to them!


	7. The joy of fleas

Can We Get A Pet?

Chapter 7

"Fleas! I can't believe we have FLEAS!" Schu was stomping around the living room, fuming.

Farf ignored him, holding Alice on his lap in his usual chair, petting the rabbit calmly, managing to keep it from scratching.

"Where did the fleas come from?" Crawford wondered. Any of the fur-covered pets could have brought them in, he knew. He stared down at Swift who was scratching furiously at her shoulder and occasionally biting a leg. She was so absorbed in stopping her itching that she hadn't noticed the rabbit. "Tell me where each animal was picked up?"

Nagi thought for a minute. "Swift and Alice were from private homes or apartments, right?" Schu nodded, so he continued. "And the rats, gerbils, chinchilla, lizards, and snake came from pet stores, not that we'd have to worry about the reptiles getting this kind of parasite. The bird probably didn't have any fleas." He paused, and frowned slightly.

Three of them looked at the content-looking cat that had decided to sleep on the back of the couch, and who wasn't scratching for some reason. Farf still pretended he wasn't there. Until the others looked at him.

"Farfarello. Where did you get the cat?" asked Crawford in a calm voice. Too calm. Way, way too calm.

Farf looked at him for a minute. "A few blocks away."

"Where?"

There was another pause. "Someone didn't want her anymore."

"And did they give you the cat?"

Silence for another minute. Farf began to fidget. "Uhm... No..."

"Then where did you get it?"

Farf considered making a dash for his room, and held Alice close, refusing to leave the rabbit out here with his teammates. However, Schu was now standing between him and the hallway, Nagi was closer to the front door, and Crawford was standing over him. He was cornered. He considered putting up a fight, but ruled that out, as he didn't want to sleep in the straight jacket this week. The last time he'd needed it was during his knife-withdrawal, and he didn't plan on being forced into that canvas nuisance again any time soon. They'd even stopped making sure all the locks on his door were in place every night, for crying out loud! He wasn't about to totally jeopardize his freedom, however limited it was.

Swallowing a bit nervously, Farf looked around at them. "I found her..."

"Where?"

He answered hesitantly. "In an alley... Scrounging in a dumpster..."

They stared at him. "Eeewwwwww..." muttered Nagi and Schu.

"And it's been sleeping on my bed! Farfarello, you should know better than to pick up stray animals, especially when they are in the trash!"

"Wait a sec," Schu cut into Crawford's rant. "If the fleas came from her, why isn't she scratching while everything else in this apartment is?"

"I gave her a bath!" Farf stated proudly.

"Well, she spread her fleas before you did," grumbled Nagi.

"You're paying for getting rid of the fleas, Farf," Crawford told him.

"But I don't get paid!" He paused. "Do I get paid...? Usually I just steal money from all of your rooms."

"We get paid, Farf. I just set your money aside to pay for any damages you cause. Like the neighbors' poodle..."

"Nasty little dog..." muttered Schu.

Crawford continued. "We need to get flea medication for the animals, for now. And we might need to call someone in to spray the apartment." He sighed. "This is going to be a pain..."

* * *

Nagi decided to try keeping the gerbils in his room for the time being, but he couldn't wait for them to be gone. When he went to bed, though, he began to regret that decision. He had stuffed his head under his pillow over an hour ago, and he still heard the little rodents scurrying around the cage, chewing on the bars, scraping around in the shavings, digging in their food dish, running in the wheel, jumping, and whatever else they could do to keep him up. They were just trying to keep him awake.

He looked at the clock and groaned when he saw that it was almost three thirty. Swift whined in reply, but was actually asleep. With a frustrated cry, he sat up and shuffled out of the room. Maybe he could sleep on the couch. Once in the living room, he saw that Schu had fallen asleep watching TV again. So he turned off the TV and went back to the bedrooms. Well, Schu's bed was empty, then. He paused outside the door just in time to hear a bout of swearing. In English, Japanese, and now with some German thrown in. No way. He wasn't going to sleep in the same room as that bird. Plus, the rats were making almost as much noise as the gerbils. How could Schu sleep in there when he wasn't in a drunken stupor? So he moved on.

He glanced into Crawford's room, since the door was slightly ajar. That in itself was unusual. But the sight inside almost made Nagi giggle and run for a camera. Brad Crawford was curled up on the edge of his own bed, with barely any blankets, and as far away from Ashes as he could be. The cat was curled in the center of the queen-sized bed, and apparently hadn't allowed Crawford to have any more of it than he currently possessed. Looked like he had a couple more scratches from her as well.

Nagi backed away before he could start laughing. The only door left was Farf's, and he didn't want to sleep in there, really. His room was kinda... creepy. Like him. The lack of furnishings and some dried blood on the walls really didn't make it a good sleeping environment for anyone other than Farf. Maybe he should just sleep on the kitchen floor with the chinchilla. Who was almost as active as the gerbils... No. He groaned to himself again. It didn't look like he was getting any sleep tonight.

He jumped when he heard a quiet knock. Then he silently berated himself. Farf's room. Farf was the biggest insomniac of the bunch. He was probably still up. Or had woken up. He padded over to the door and heard Farf's quiet voice faintly through the heavy door. "Can't sleep, Nagi?"

As quietly as he could, he threw back the three dead bolts and opened the door a crack to poke his head in. "Gerbils are keeping me up." He looked around.

Farf was on the center of his throw rug with Alice. The rabbit hopped around him and disappeared under the bed for a moment before coming back out and jumping into Farf's lap. It then sat up and placed its front paws on his chest, reaching its head up to try to nuzzle his shoulder. It was a little too small, so Farf picked it up with a grin and let it sniff his neck as he turned his attention back to Nagi, waiting for him to continue.

"I can't sleep with them in the room, and there's no where else for me to sleep. How'd you know it was me?"

"Foot steps. Only three walls are soundproofed. The one against the hall isn't." Farf looked at him like he was slow, and gave him one of his less-creepy smiles.

"What?"

"What did I say earlier?"

"Huh?"

Farf paused as Alice butted its head against his chin, demanding a nose rub. He reached up to pet the rabbit as he said, "What did I tell you at dinner?"

Nagi blinked and thought for a second. "Crawford was trying to kill Schu, we discovered the fleas, um... You told me he got me gerbils..."

"No. I said that I'd take the gerbils. I never said that he got them for you."

Nagi blinked again, and slapped a hand to his face. Duh! Farf had a tendency to be too logical or take things literally, just for kicks. "Okay. Hold on a minute." He went back to his room, and carried the gerbil cage into Farf's. "Enjoy."

"Yup." But Farf didn't seem interested in the gerbils at the moment. He was playfully ruffling Alice's cheeks. The rabbit eventually pulled back and hopped from his arms back into his lap to sleep. Shaking his head, Nagi wandered back to his own room and dropped onto his bed. He didn't even make it under the covers.

* * *

Crawford sat brooding over his morning cup of coffee, glaring at nothing over the tops of his glasses, and looking a little disheveled. He had a couple angry red scratches on his arms and one cheek. Farf smirked around a spoonful of cereal. "You look like you slept well."

The glare shifted from the air in front of his face to Farf. "I'm going to kill your cat." He took a sip from the steaming mug. "I'm going to make sure that thing is destroyed. Then I will retake my bed. You hear me, cat!" he yelled, leaning back in his chair to face the direction of his bedroom. "This is war!"

Farf hid his snicker by shoving more cereal in his mouth and chewing loudly. He watched as Crawford continued to mutter battle plans against the cat under his breath and Nagi stumbled in. The kid nearly tripped over the gate in the doorway and somehow avoided stepping on Purple. "You look like you slept well, also."

Nagi blinked at him slowly and rubbed an eye, yawning. "You know how I slept. Stupid gerbils... Why did he get me gerbils? I don't like gerbils. I don't even know if I liked them before they kept me up half the night..." He continued to mutter under his breath about how much he hated gerbils.

Nearly choking on his cereal, Farf got up and started walking out of the kitchen. Crawford was to busy plotting to notice. Nagi was out of it enough to barely notice. "Where're you going? We're still ranting, here..."

"Living room. It's just so hard not to laugh at you two." When they both stared at him, he lost it. He had to lean against the wall, and slid down to sit on the floor, wrapping one arm around his stomach, laughing so hard he nearly dropped his bowl. A minute later, he finally got control of himself and looked up to see them both glowering at him. "Uh... Bye!" He jumped up and ran from the kitchen before they could gang up on him.

Purple hopped over to the dust pan and started rolling in the powder. Nagi watched it, grumbling to himself about "stupid rodents" and Crawford went back to brooding over his coffee. He suddenly gave a small jerk, and put a hand to his head, his eyes going slightly more vacant.

"Where's Schuldig?" he quickly asked when he recovered?

Nagi looked at him. "Last I saw, he'd passed out on the couch."

Crawford leaned back in his chair again to look into the living room at the empty couch. "Farf! Is Schuldig in his room?"

"No," he called back.

Swearing quietly, Crawford looked at the clock. "Nagi, get ready for school."

"Planning Schu's death again?"

There was a pause as Crawford glanced over the morning paper's headlines before answering. "Yes."

Nagi grinned to himself and left to get his book bag and feed Swift. Since they were keeping Purple in the kitchen, he'd had to put the dog's food dish in his room. He was out the door a couple minutes later. He had to wonder though. Why was Schu's fate sealed this time? What was he bringing home? Maybe he finally started stealing animals from the zoo.

Crawford put down the paper as soon as Nagi left, and pulled a notepad and a pen from the junk drawer and began making plans on how to kill the cat. He was so absorbed in his work, that he didn't notice Farf walk in again to put his empty bowl in the sink. It wasn't until Farf looked over his shoulder, examining the notes, and said, "That won't work," that Crawford noticed him and jumped.

"Farf! Don't sneak up on me! And how do you know this won't work!"

"First off, you should have known I'd be there. Second, if you pour gas on the cat and light a match, she will attack you and you will also burn your bed, and maybe the rest of your room. Not to mention, when she jumps on you, you will also catch fire, most likely. Trust me. You don't burn enough things to know."

"Just because I can see bits of the future doesn't mean that I know everything." He paused. "How often do you burn anything?"

Farf whistled innocently, and started walking off.

"Farfarello! Do I need to add pyromaniac to your file!"

The madman ran for his room. Crawford sighed, crumpled up the page from the notepad and got up. He walked down to his office, pulled his gun from a drawer, and went back out to the living room to turn on the news channel. After about an hour and a half wait, he got up and stood in front of the door. In another five minutes, he took aim and the door opened.

"Schuldig, bring those things back to the pet store."

The German looked at the gun aimed between his eyes. "You have a problem with a turtle and a ferret?"

* * *

A note to my dear friends the readers. Wah! Sorry it's so late! I was busy last weekend so I couldn't work on it, then writer's block settled in! Just as soon as I hire a Comedy Muse, he takes a vacation! My Dark Muse, on the other hand, has decided to bug me non-stop for the last week, and insists that I start a different story even though I'm trying desperately to get this out...

Anyway, it's not quite what I was going for. I don't think I concentrated enough on the animals in this chapter. But I didn't want it to just sit on my hard drive, so I'm posting it. Draco needs a few new ideas, then maybe Steve will come back from his vacation. (steve being the comedy muse and a cute elven werewolf.)

And thanks to my reviewers!

**xKokurox** – Cats are great, aren't they? Especially the ones that can push Crawford around. I'd love help with the Saiyuki fics, but one is being co-written by a friend whenever we can get together, and the other doesn't even have enough written for a chapter... As for the eight-legged _thing_, what's going to happen is... whispers really quietly Did ya get that? Good.

A chinchilla is a rodent from the Andes Mountain in South America which is about the size of a dwarf rabbit, about 12-14 inches (30-36 cm) long and 18-35 ounces (510-992 grams) in weight. It has a bushy squirrel-like tail, and thick blue-grey fur that is about an inch thick. These cute little guys are active and clean little pets. Unfortunately, their pelts are also valued for making coats, and I shall not get into that since I don't support it at all. I like them as pets more. They sometimes sell them at my local pet store, and I always think they're cute. They look like they have decent tempers, but I'm also afraid of rodents biting me after owning Beryl the Hamster from Hell, so I don't actually know too much about them.

**MalletWielderofDoom** – Naruto is good. I need to read more eventually. After I get caught up on the ten other manga I'm collecting... Buddy might not be allergic to fleas, they just leave a lot of dried blood. Moe was scratching and licking so much he was losing his fur, that's how we could tell that he was.

**ShadowCrow25 **– Fleas are very evil. As soon as I can get a plane ticket to Japan, I'll see about taking Farfie and Schu from him. Go cats!

**katzchenkitty** – Oh, yes, it was so bound to happen. Yea! I wanna go to D's Petshop. Though if Schu went there, Schwarz might not last too long... Or the new pets won't.

**Arileo** – Yep. Bath time. No one's gonna be happy.

**Seraphim Grace **– Welcome to the show! Hope you're enjoying it.

**Wherdatcomfrom **– Horrid fleas. Don't worry, Farf won't hurt Purple, the rest of his team will see to that (and so will i). The amphibians will be here soon. Crawford's reports are becoming rodent-chew-toys! You can already thank Fingers. Killer guinea pigs. Sounds about perfect for this household.

**Tsukiyo no Yume** – Thank you! (looks around for trophy or ribbon) Well, nothing yet, but someday. I love animals. I want so many. Kinda weird I didn't go to school for biology or vet stuff. I'd rather waste my life with oil paints, wire, water colors, paper, pencils, markers, and Photoshop. I think Crawford and Nagi's reactions are the best.

**Flea Bitten**—Yea! Maus and Ater! (ater means black in latin, if you want that useless bit of info. draco ater means dragon black) Fleas are HORRID! We used to have them all the time. For the longest time, we had two cats, both of them outdoor cats, and one might have been a barn cat previously. But my little Moe Moe was allergic to fleas, so both cats needed medication. We haven't had fleas for a few years, but I still remember the little bites I always had. Really itchy, and so not fun.

**Black Kitten's Dream **– I aim to please. Ooh. More ides of pets are always welcome. Heh. Weiss gets pets. I'll get around to them getting something... Chaos is FUN!


	8. Author's temporary Note

Okay. This is a quick little Author's Note.

First, I'm sorry that Chapter 8 is so late. Steve ran off, leaving me with THIS! (points to large granite block with the words "writer's block" carved into the side chained to her ankle) I grabbed him the last time he tried to sneak in to get food. Bad Steve, bad muse!

Second, my computer is in the shop this week. Apparently, Macintosh Powerbooks seem to have the habit of have problems with the screen. Its been acting up for a month, and I finally brought it in. But it seems that I'll be without my computer-baby for the week, and all my files are on it. I have yet to back anything up, but I'm gonna as soon as I get it back.

I apologize for the delay and thank you for your patience.

Draco Ater


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